Knowing that there’s someone who loves you genuinely is the best feeling ever, especially for women. But what do you do when your boyfriend or husband starts to ignore you? This article helps you to understand what he’s thinking when he ignores you.
What He’s Thinking When He Ignores You: 4 Common Things
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In any intimate relationship, arguments and disagreements are inevitable. These disagreements will lead to silent treatment and snubbing by your spouse. But this doesn’t mean that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He is just ignoring you.
Perhaps the first question on your mind is: How can I read his mind and know exactly what he’s thinking when he ignores me? If you could read his mind, you won’t have to wonder if he has lost interest in you or he hates you.
But since you can’t read his mind, you have to rely on various conjectures to get an idea of what he could be thinking when he snubs you. Here are some of the most common things that a man could be thinking about when he ignores you.
1. General Life Stresses
A man is not without desires and goals. So, he is probably stressed and doesn’t want to share his problems with anyone. For instance, he could be facing eviction from his house because he’s unable to pay his mortgage, or maybe he has an upcoming exam that will define his career.
If your man has just lost his job or is about to, his mind will be occupied by thoughts of finding another job, so he won’t give you as much attention as you would like.
If your man is facing major stresses in his life, his instinct tells him to run and hide. So, having long, playful conversations with you is the last thing on his mind. Even on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, friendship and intimacy come after physiological needs and safety.
Physiological needs include things like food, water, sex, air, sleep, etc. Safety includes things like employment, health, resources, property, and more. Therefore, your man wants to feel secure before he can think about getting into an intimate relationship with a woman. So, if you feel like your man is ignoring you, check if he is stressed out.
Men have insecurities too. Unfortunately, very few men will admit to feeling insecure, mainly because they don’t want to hurt their fragile egos. Sometimes a guy will ignore a woman not because he’s not interested in her but because he feels inadequate for her.
If your guy suddenly starts to snub you, maybe he is scared of getting intimate with you, especially if he has been hurt by a woman before. He could also be thinking that you are “too beautiful for him”, or he doesn’t believe a woman like you could genuinely love a guy like him. Also, he may be socially awkward or generally insecure around girls.
3. Work or Business
If your man leads a busy lifestyle, he will have little time for your chats and playful conversations. This type of guy is very independent and holds great responsibility. That’s why he prefers his alone time. When he is not talking to you, he could be thinking about important projects that are coming up or he’s currently managing.
It’s very easy for this kind of guy to believe that everyone, including you, is busy like him. So, he doesn’t see the need to call or text you after every few hours. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. You just have to learn how to accommodate his busy schedule.
4. Another Girl
Sometimes your man will ignore you not because he’s too busy with work or he’s insecure, but because he has another woman that’s keeping him busy. Unfortunately, this one is quite brutal and painful, but it’s the truth. When a man finds another woman who makes him happy, he will quickly forget about the previous one. So, maybe he’s just letting you know that he is no longer interested in you.
What Should You Do When He Ignores You?
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Knowing that someone you love and care about is ignoring you is disappointing as it is infuriating. It’s even more hurtful when you know that you are giving him all your attention. But you shouldn’t feel hopeless. Here are a few useful things you should do when you feel like your boyfriend or husband is ignoring you.
1. Let Him Know You Don’t Like It
Sometimes your guy will ignore you without even realizing it, especially if he’s is stressed or busy with work. So, before you conclude that he has lost interest in you, let him know how you feel and see if his behavior will change. However, don’t be too confrontational. You can use polite words like, “you seem distant nowadays-you haven’t been texting or calling as often.”
When you use accusatory words, you’ll trigger defensiveness, which will only make the situation worse. But also don’t sound desperate because it can easily turn him off. The idea is to let him know that he has changed.
2. Try a Different Mode of Communication
If you are used to him calling you two or three times a day, maybe you need to try a different form of communication like texting or chatting. He could be too busy with work, distracted, or forgot to call you. Throw him a text or a chat through his favorite texting app to see if he’ll respond immediately.
Also, maybe he doesn’t like texting or calling during the day, especially when he is at work. So, instead of texting or calling him every other hour, you should pick another time of the day when you know he’s not too busy with work. You can even ask him when he’s free to talk.
3. Let Him Go
Sometimes the best way to deal with a guy who is ignoring you is to let him go. Perhaps he is snubbing you because he’s afraid of telling you that he’s no longer interested. So, instead of killing yourself with stress, just let him know that you’ve noticed the change in his behavior and he’s free to leave if he’s not interested.
This will allow you to find another guy who will value you and give you his full attention. If he’s not ready to leave you, it will provide you with an opportunity to talk about the situation and iron out any issues that could be pushing him away.
4. Embrace Weakness
Oftentimes, couples spend time trying to play it cool and holding back because they don’t want to get hurt. But this breeds insecurity and can easily be misinterpreted to mean indifference. Maybe this is the reason why he has suddenly started to snub you.
So, just let him discover your vulnerability, and perhaps it will let him drop his guard. If he’s still ignoring you, it’s time to decide whether to you wish to continue with the relationship. You shouldn’t let any guy keep you waiting in limbo.
5. Be Assertive from the Word Go
Many professional relationship therapists will tell you that if you fail to communicate assertively with your prospective life partner from the beginning, you’ll have a difficult time trying to be assertive in the future. Therefore, learn to be respectful and assertive when expressing your concerns and wishes to your man. So, as you get to know each other, let him know that you would like him to be responsive.
If you prefer being called or texted two or three times a day, make it clear from the word go. This allows him to let you know when he is available to talk and when he is not. That way, you can work out a way to stay in touch without being a bother to each other.
6. Let Him Be for Several Days
Don’t try to overcompensate his indifference by calling or texting him repeatedly. Instead, make yourself busy with other activities like visiting friends or working out. This will help you to take your mind off him for a few days.
If you haven’t committed yourself to him, this will be a good time to go on other dates and meet new guys. You might end up realizing that he’s not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Is He Ignoring You or Are You Being Paranoid?
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As noted above, sometimes you might judge your man harshly by misinterpreting his unresponsive behavior. Before you conclude that he is intentionally ignoring you, it’s important to rule out the possibility of being paranoid. Take your time to analyze his behavior and be objective in your reasoning.
For instance, if he just forgot to text you or respond to your text for a few hours, find out why he did so before you accuse him of ignoring you. He could be held up somewhere or maybe an emergency came up and he wasn’t in a position to text you. Also, he may be going through a rough patch in his life. If that’s the case, you should find ways to support him without appearing like you are meddling in his business.
You also need to realize that some guys are overly jovial and responsive in the beginning when they’re trying to win you over. But as the relationships become more settled, they become less responsive. This doesn’t mean that he is no longer interested in you, it simply means that he is getting used to a normal routine, which is a good sign.
But if you have talked to him about his changing behavior and he still doesn’t change or give you a good reason why he’s behaving like that, then maybe he is deliberately trying to ignore you. If that’s the case, then it’s time to move on.
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