Home Quote 33 Priceless Letterkenny Quotes You Just Gotta Read

33 Priceless Letterkenny Quotes You Just Gotta Read

by Joan Newsome
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No matter how bleak life gets, I can always count on the good citizens of Letterkenny to bring a smile to my face. The snappy comedy show about a group of small-town folks is so fast-paced, every rewatch makes me notice something I missed last time.

But my favorite thing about the show is looking for other people who’ve seen it. And one of the best ways to do that is to sneak Letterkenny quotes into conversations until someone catches on.

Have I gotten in trouble for saying some of the lines from the shows? Sure! But it’ll all be worth it when I finally find a Letterkenny soulmate to exchange snappy zingers with. The show is risque at best and utterly vulgar at worst, so if you’re not used to colorful language, click out now!

33 Hilarious and Iconic Letterkenny Quotes

Wayne and Daryl’s Legendary Verbal Takedowns

1. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?”
“I think you come in men enough for all of us.”
“I think you better come in my… I mean… You better come o—”
“I think you better come say that to his face, you f*ckin’ hicks.”
“Nice execution.”
“You’re doin’ terrific.” — Wayne, Daryl, Reilly, and Jonesy

2. “What’s up with your f*cking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 14-year-old Dutch girl. Your esthetician quaff that for you?”
“You can kiss my ass-thetician.”
“You guys do CrossFit?”
“You can cross f*ck off.”
“Cross fart.” — Wayne and Daryl

3. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the f*ck you got earrings on?”
“Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.”
“I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?”
“Ya get a tracking number?”
“Oh, I hope he got a tracking number.”
“That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” — Wayne and Daryl

4. “This isn’t over.”
“Jinx, you owe me a coke.”
“I’ll never buy you a coke!” — Reilly and Jonesy to Wayne

The King of Snark: Wayne’s Best One-Liners

5. “Maybe if you’d ever been in a real fight, you might not be so keen for another.” — Wayne

6. “It’s a hard life, picking stones and pulling teats, but sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne

7. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.” — Wayne

8. “Remember when that plane had to land in the river in New York because Canada gooses flew into the engine? That was because Canada gooses likely had intel there was a pedophile or two onboard and took matters into their own hands. As they should!” — Wayne

9. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. F*ck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a f*ck about your kids.” — Wayne

10. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donnybrook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” — Wayne

11. “It’s like algebra… Why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go f*ck yourself?” — Wayne

12. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne

Vulgar Yet Hilarious Letterkenny Quotes About Sex

13. “How many times did you pull your horn today, bud?”
“What?”
“Ah, she’s bashful.”
“Well, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone. Ballpark six to eight? You’re a f*ckin’ animal.”
“Play a little five on one?”
“Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.”
“Feed the ducks.”
“Distribute some free literature.” — Daryl and Wayne at Reilly

14. “Did you French her?”
“Kinda outta line there, Dary.”
“Did you go up her shirt?”
“Now you’re really out of line, Dary.”
“We did French, that much I will reveal.” — Daryl, Wayne, and Squirrely Dan

15. “I don’t like to kiss and tell, but the Frenching took a hard left turn from which I have yet to recover.”
“Do you know what, I’m not askin’ you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious.” — Squirrelly Dan and Wayne

16. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” — Wayne

17. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” — Wayne

The Most Iconic Letterkenny Quotes

18. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.” — Everyone

19. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail

20. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” — Wayne

21. “Not my pig, not my farm.” — Wayne

22. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.” — Wayne

23. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne

24. “I wish you weren’t so f*cking awkward, bud.” — Wayne

25. “Buddy, you couldn’t wheel a f*ckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne

26. “That kid’s a polished turd.” — Squirrely Dan

27. “When I was coming’s up, you’d be lucky to even have any animals. Now you got so many animals you want to be cruel to them? Must be f*ckin’ nice!” — Squirrely Dan

28. “F*ck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens.”
“Yeah? What’s gonna happen, Shoresy?”
“Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement, I jerk off on your driver’s side door handle.” — Shoresy and Reilly

29. “F*ck Lemony Snicket, what series of unfortunate events have you been through, you ugly f*ck?” — Reilly

30. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” — Katy

31. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be the Fat in the Hat.” — Katy

32. “Oh, I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f*cking windshield.” — Katy

33. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach

To Conclude

As hilarious as these lines were when I first heard them, they keep getting funnier with every repeat viewing — or reading. That’s why I felt compelled to have them all in one place. If you ever share the same desire, you’ve got all the best one-liners right here!

Even better, the Crave Network recently renewed the show for a ninth season, so I’ll soon have even more Letterkenny quotes to sneak into conversations. Of course, if you live in the US, you’ll have to catch it on Hulu instead.

And, lest we forget — a part of it is also on YouTube! Remember, before the hicks, skids, hockey players, and Christians of Letterkenny went big, some of them were the regulars on Letterkenny Problems, the web series that started it all!

Image Source: Letterkenny photo by Joe Otterson

Also read: 35 Surreal Letterkenny Quotes about Life, Love, and Farming

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