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12 Ways to Learn How to Get Over Trust Issues in a Relationship

by Joan Newsome
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Relationships are seldom easy, but when something happens that makes you start to lose trust in your partner, or if you came into the relationship with trust issues, you might wonder if you’ll ever be able to get beyond it. Fortunately, learning to trust again can be easier than you think, so if you’re wondering how to get over trust issues in a relationship, keep reading for some helpful suggestions that may help make the task a lot easier on you.

Introduction

If you’ve been burned in a relationship just once, it’s easy to carry that with you to the next relationship, but since no two relationships are exactly the same, this might not be such a good idea. Once someone hurts you and betrays your trust – and they can do this in many different ways – it’s easy for you to assume that all future partners are going to do the same, but this is seldom the case.

Each relationship is separate from the last one, but if you simply can’t shake the thought that the next partner you have is going to betray your trust once again, below are some things you can do to get over it and enjoy future relationships that are much more successful.

1. Decide What You Want in a Relationship

Once you determine what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship, you’ll feel more confident the next time you start to see someone.

In fact, this is such an important suggestion that you may want to actually write down those things so that they’re always available for you to look at. The more confident you feel that you deserve these things in your life, the more empowered you’ll feel to go after what it is that you want. In fact, this is a great tip for anyone to follow, even those without trust issues.

2. Learn to Forgive So You Can Heal

It doesn’t matter that many of the people who have hurt you don’t deserve your forgiveness, but forgive them anyway. The only way to heal from a past hurt is to forgive someone so that you can move on. Does that mean that as soon as you forgive someone, you’ll be able to trust your next partner completely and immediately? Of course not, but it takes you one step further than you were before.

The more you try to forgive, the faster the healing process, which means that the more likely you’ll be able to trust again sooner rather than later.

3. Refrain From Monitoring Your Current Partner’s Activities

Just because your last partner texted his old girlfriend while he was seeing you doesn’t mean your current partner is doing the same thing. Regardless of how difficult it may be, don’t monitor his phone calls, texts, emails, or anything else that might provide you with the fodder that you’re looking for. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t act on it if you have a strong feeling they’re doing something wrong, but choose to trust instead of doubt in the very beginning.

4. Try to Build Up Your Own Self-Esteem

It is often a sign of insecurity if you are continuously treating partners like you can’t trust them. If you work to improve yourself, you won’t consistently do this. Being overly paranoid and not trusting anyone is not the same thing as displaying a bit of mistrust after you’ve been betrayed or hurt, and working to make yourself feel better about your life can go a long way to prevent you from becoming one of those overly paranoid people that other people just don’t like.

5. Openly Communicate with Your Partner About Your Feelings

Telling your partner how you feel and why you feel this way could eliminate some of the mistrust you may automatically feel at the beginning of a relationship. If you explain that your last partner betrayed your trust and that it’s difficult for you to trust again, this might be all you need to reassure yourself that it won’t happen again.

If your new partner reacts well, it might even make you feel a little silly for doubting his trust in the first place. In any case, it’s a good idea to discuss these feelings with the new person in your life.

6. Remember That Trust Has to Be Earned

It is also good to remember that in any relationship, trust has to be earned because it often doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people. In fact, when you’re at the beginning of a relationship and don’t know this person well, it’s normal not to automatically trust him. Over time, you’ll be able to tell if you can trust that person.

It’s also good to remember that this works both ways – he may be testing out your trustworthiness just like you are testing out his. Give yourself some time and keep in mind that trust must always be earned.

7. Beware of the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

A self-fulfilling process is when you expect that only the worst will occur, and it eventually does. When you expect the worst out of people, then the worst people are usually what you get in return. Your negativity can draw in negative people who are more likely to disappoint you. Start thinking positively and consider that you can indeed trust this new person in your life.

Once your attitude starts improving, more positive people will come your way, and therefore, more trustworthy people will be there for you.

8. Manage Your Emotions to Stay Healthy

When you’ve been hurt and you’re expecting it to happen again, you can be one big ball of emotions, and that’s never a good thing. You have to be able to manage those emotions so you can get through this.

You can talk to friends or even a therapist, spend time exploring and developing your hobbies and interests, take better care of yourself physically by meditating and doing deep-breathing, or even spending some time away from your partner for a while so that you can concentrate on yourself instead.

9. Realize That it Has Nothing to Do with You

You should also be realistic about the reasons why you find it hard to trust someone. If your previous partner cheated on you, for example, you have to remember that it doesn’t have anything to do with you. A cheater usually cheats regardless of how great his partner is, so the fact that a past partner cheated on you really shouldn’t affect how you feel about yourself. Once you accept this as a fact, it can be much easier to move on with your life and trust your new partner.

10. Explore What Else Happened in Your Past

A lot of times when people mistrust others, those feelings of mistrust stem from something that happened during their childhood. If this is the case with you, even if a previous partner did betray your trust, it can take some time to learn to trust others again. If you need to see a therapist, this is a great place to start, but just know that your feelings of mistrust started long before you developed a romantic relationship with anyone.

11. Determine If You Have Other Related Issues

Sometimes, feelings of mistrust are actually part of a bigger issue, most commonly another psychological condition. Regardless of what happened to you in a previous relationship, feelings of mistrust can be associated with conditions such as:

• Adjustment disorders
• Anxiety
• Attachment issues
• Depression
• Fear of abandonment
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Schizophrenia

You can also experience feelings of mistrust when something traumatic happens to you either physically or psychologically. For instance, assault victims and people who have experienced war can have trust issues, but once again, as soon as you recognize it you can do something to get past it.

12. Look Within Yourself for Answers

Finally, if you can’t get over feelings of mistrust toward a new partner, consider what is within you for possible answers. For example, have you cheated yourself on a past partner, or thought about cheating? If you’ve ever considered an action that would cause someone else to mistrust you, you might subconsciously expect the same thing from others.

Digging down deep inside your heart and being honest with your own feelings and actions can go a long way in helping you figure out why you don’t trust others. If this ends up being the case, then you’ll definitely need to work on yourself before you feel trust toward someone else in the future.

Conclusion

Figuring out how to get over trust issues in a relationship often requires you to concentrate on yourself first to find out the reasons why you feel this way in the first place. Even one past bad relationship can cause you to mistrust others as well, but you can do things to eventually get past those feelings so that you can learn to trust again. It’s easier than you think, but you should still give yourself some time to develop trust again because this is never something that happens overnight.

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