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22 Funny Katt Williams Quotes That Show Why The Crowd Loves Him

by Joan Newsome
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Katt Williams is one of the most prolific stand-up comedians to ever hit the stage. He’s had so much success in his professional life, and he shows no signs of stopping. To celebrate this man’s incredible, 30-year-long career, I went ahead and compiled the 22 best Katt Williams quotes that I could find.

What I personally love about Katt, and part of the reason I chose to do this article, is the fact that he is so resilient. He’s been in the business for so long, yet he manages to come up with new and fresh material all the time. Also, his crowd work specials never fail to make me laugh, and The Pimp Chronicles are my absolute favorite.

22 Katt Williams Quotes That Show What a Master of the Stage He Is

Shrewd Katt Williams Quotes That Show He Is as Brilliant as He Is Funny

1. “I have yet to meet someone who was successful and was even slightly negative. That comes from muscle training. You can work on negativity and weed it out of your life. I’ve noticed that all of the people who acted as if they were going to be gone too soon, were gone too soon.”

2. “That is the job of a comedian: To take the unpleasant subject matter and forcibly, with his hands, wring the funny out of it.”

3. “Golf is a game with morals. There’s always an opportunity to be a scoundrel. That’s why it’s a gentleman’s game.”

4. “Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work, and let the chips fall where they may.”

5. “The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen. But I’m always speaking to my actual fans in the present tense.”

6. “There’s only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there’s the person that’s doing the winning, or there’s the person that’s facilitating the winning.”

7. “All comedy comes from a dark place.”

8. “Haters: they hate what you look like, whatcha wearing, whatcha drivin’, whatcha think about, whatcha talk about. They f*ckin’ hate it, but you gonna have to understand that that’s the way it is.”

9. “My only point is, it’s time to get your sh*t together. It doesn’t matter that what you got in your life is f*cked up, that’s what the f*ck you got. We’ve all got to work together.”

Ridiculously Funny Katt Williams Quotes That Are Bound to Make You Chuckle

10. “So wonderful to be in Pasadena where it’s 138 durin’ the day and 36 at night. A pimp doesn’t know what to wear! I’m down in the hotel lobby, and I got on a fur coat, some swimmin’ trunks, some Timberlands, and an umbrella ’cause I don’t know what may happen in this raggedy b*tch this evenin’.”

11. “One month they say, ‘This is the best medicine ever, it’ll cure everything,’ and then three months later you hear this quiet-*ss commercial ‘Have you or any of your loved ones been killed by using our medicine? Dial 1-800-OURBAD. That’s 1-800-OURBAD.’”

12. “Wait a minute, you’re angry at breakfast?! You gang-banging on bacon?!”

13. “I don’t know how they f*cked up steroids, steroids are supposed to be the perfect drug. Do you know how excited a n*gga my size was to hear about a human growth hormone? I thought Jesus had answered this prayer individually. I was glued to the TV, saying ‘Thank you, Jesus, for finally coming through, I appreciate that. I knew you weren’t gonna let me look like a 7th grader for the rest of my life, I really did know.”

14. “I know 50 done made it cool to get shot, but there ain’t nothing cool about gettin’ shot. I’ve been shot before, ain’t sh*t cool about it. When I got shot, ain’t no music play, ain’t no b*tches come out. Nothin’!”

Katt Williams Quotes That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor Laughing

15. “I think pimp, therefore, I am.”

16. “Just hit the blunt one time, and see if it doesn’t change your perception of what’s important in your life.”

17. “Sit back there and say my hair ain’t luxurious when you know it is, b*tch!”

18. “Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf*ckers, it’ll be your last headache. But as long as you been living, you ain’t never heard of a n*gga overdosing on marijuana. You might have thought he was dead. HE AIN’T DEAD! He’s gonna wake up in 30 minutes, hungry enough to eat up everything in your house! That’s the side effects: happy, hungry, sleepy!”

19. “Buy a condom that’s ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it’s ribbed for your pleasure.”

20. “You can’t even go to Heaven if you get killed by spinach, you can’t even go. You don’t even know what to tell Jesus. You just say ‘You know what Jesus, I did have a salad. I really did. I don’t know what I was thinking about.’”

21. “Just saying, ladies, stop worrying about sh*t that doesn’t matter. Some of you that had some babies, now you’ve got some stretch marks, walking around the house bitter. Blaming the baby, showing the baby your high school picture, talking about ‘LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!’”

22. “My name is ‘A Pimp named Slickback.” Wait… A Pimp? Named Slickback? Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includes the “A Pimp Named” part. Yes Tom, every time.”

Final Thoughts

Katt Williams is a man of incredible talent and unbreakable spirit, which is why he’s managed to stay relevant and fresh for as long he has. His commentary on politics, culture, and race are spot-on and super informative. But most importantly, they’re funny as all hell.

Honestly, I still haven’t been to Katt’s show, but I’d sell my grandma to go one day. At least I’ll have these Katt Williams quotes to get me by until then. And when he comes to a town near me, you know that I’ll be in the front row.

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