If you have recently broken up with your partner but want to get them back, there are a few things you can try. One of them is the 30-day no contact rule. In this article, I explain in detail what it is, the psychology behind it, and whether it actually works.
What Is the 30-Day No Contact Rule?
Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like — you make no contact with your ex for 30 days. That means no physical contact, no texting, no talking on the phone — nothing! You distance yourself completely.
How will that help me? I want to get them back, not make them forget me! As strange as it may sound, when you let the other person have some time alone, the odds of you getting back together are a lot higher.
By distancing yourself, you give your ex a chance to breathe and process the breakup. In that ‘no contact’ month, they will feel the emptiness in their life now that you’re not around. They will associate everything with you — from the sofa where you watched your favorite movies together, to the table where you had romantic dinners.
During that month, most of the hard feelings will pass, too. Your ex will have plenty of time to figure out what they want to do with their life. And if they choose to continue without you, that’s perfectly fine. You have to be prepared for that scenario, too.
Nobody Said It’s Going to Be Easy
Those 30 days won’t be pleasant for either of you, no doubt. However, you have to be patient, or you risk going back to square one.
Think of that time as a great chance for you to better yourself as well. There is a reason for the breakup, and if it was your partner who chose to break up with you, that reason may or may not be… you. So, it’s a good idea to try to view things from their perspective and do your best to improve.
The good thing is, even if your ex doesn’t reach out at the end of the 30 days, you still win! You’ll have had enough time to get to a better place mentally, which is extremely important when dealing with a breakup. So, after the ‘no contact’ month, you’ll either be over it and ready to move on, or you’ll be back with your ex.
On top of that, you’ll be able to utilize that time to decide if it’s even worth getting back into that relationship. Just keep in mind that everyone’s case is different, and ultimately you decide what you want to do with your life. Those 30 days away from your ex are essentially an excuse to get some “me” time and think things through.
30 Days Passed and My Ex Reached Out
That’s great news if getting back together is what you desire. It means your partner misses you, and that they are ready for a fresh start. If you want the same thing, then, by all means, go for it.
If during the ‘no contact’ month you decided you want to move on, then talk to your ex and calmly explain the reasons behind your decision. Try to end the relationship on good terms. If your ex is making that difficult, hang up/leave and move on with your life as if they never existed. Always put your happiness first! Only then can you share it with someone else.
30 Days Passed and My Ex Hasn’t Reached Out
Well, if you had hoped otherwise, that would undoubtedly hurt. However, you must realize that your ex-partner has their own life and the freedom to move on. It’s actually great that they’re not tricking you into thinking they’re interested in you when in reality they are not. Don’t get discouraged, and seek happiness somewhere else.
On the other hand, if you had already decided you wanted to move on, then that’s going to be a lot easier if your ex wants the same thing. You won’t have to explain yourself or feel as if you’re ruining someone’s life.
The 30-Day No Contact Rule Doesn’t Always Work!
If your ex really wanted to end the relationship and doesn’t want to look back, a month of no contact won’t help.
Let’s be real — in your eyes, your former boyfriend/girlfriend is probably the villain, and you’re the innocent one who did nothing wrong. That’s normal — people view things from their perspective, which is subjective. However, if you don’t even try to understand your partner’s reasons, neither a ‘no contact’ month nor a magic wand will get you two back together.
You can’t expect simple distancing to help if the problems in your relationship are rooted deeply. The fault for every breakup is usually in (at least) two people. Therefore, try to get over yourself and view things more objectively.
You’ll quickly realize that maybe you were in the wrong sometimes, and the way you acted influenced the breakup. But, if you’re strong enough to learn from your mistakes, you’ll only benefit from that.
On the other hand, maybe it was your partner who treated you badly and caused the breakup. In that case, no matter how much you love them, the 30-day no contact rule won’t help. You’re better off without such people in your life anyway, so don’t be heartbroken if they don’t reach out.
There are occasions where the other person just needs more time, too. If you think that’s the case with your ex, you could wait another month. If they still don’t try to contact you, maybe you two just weren’t meant to be, and that’s fine.
You Know Best What You Have to Do
The tricky thing with relationships is that they are all different. There are many cases where a month of distancing has worked wonders, and there are occasions where it has failed to bring the two people back together. Therefore, knowing your ex best, you are the one who can tell whether that method will help.
Unfortunately, nobody can guarantee a positive outcome, so don’t set your hopes too high. Instead, spend that time working on yourself and try to leave all the bad feelings behind.
The 30-day no contact rule is definitely capable of producing good results. It is a great opportunity for both you and your ex to spend some time alone, calm down, and think about the breakup rationally.
Depending on the situation, the distancing may not work, but that’s most certainly because of other circumstances. For example, your ex might have found another partner, or they may not be ready to go back into a relationship. You have to respect that and move on — ultimately, that’s what’s best for both of you.
Regardless of the result, a 30-day no contact period will help you decide what you want to do next. Think of it as a healing opportunity for you and your partner, but remember — all wounds heal differently.